This Palm Sunday, Rutgers Church made a new and epochal discovery of another ancient-new manuscript. It was discovered on the other side of a paper in which the palm fronds were wrapped. The handwriting shared undeniable characteristics of the author of several earlier writings which we started to call “Manhattan Gospel of Henry Rutgers”. This time the text seemed to be an early translation of a Hebrew prophecy, we believe the one made by prophet Zachariah (possibly 9:9-10), and language was our well known Newyorkish. The writing was damaged by water and smudged by chlorophyl, but here is our best attempt for decipherment and transliteration:
Be thrilled to bits Rutgers parishioners!
Be in stitches, citizens of New York!
Behold your president comes to you,
The one who really understands justice,
because s/he experienced injustice;
only yesterday was released from Angola prison
after 40 years in solitary confinement,
finally s/he is fully exonerated!
Your leader is not a billionaire, s/he is just like me and you,
and thus drives a beaten-up Honda Civic,
sometimes rides a scooter to the office,
yes, on free time s/he enjoys inline skates.
On your leaders’ behalf God
will eliminate all the intercontinental missiles from Wyoming,
and the nuclear submarines from Groton base.
all those buzzing drones sowing death in distant lands
- they all will be completely cut off.
Remember, this is not any momentary political program or plot,
this is the true divine desire and lasting divine will.
Your new leader will finally and truly commit to the UN,
accept the International Criminal Court,
and will sign all the international treaties and conventions:
those against torture, and against landmines,
and against cluster bombs among others...
Not by might but by inspiration,
your leader will rule from the North Pole to the South,
Not because of the military power but because of the power of ideas and love,
from Greenwich Meridian to Greenwich Meridian,
people around the world will listen to what s/he will say.